A Washer’s Tale

A Washer’s Tale

My clothes washer broke. Not the first time. It is fifteen years old and has seen its share of crazy laundry. I pushed the power button and lights turned on. I loaded clothes and detergent and pressed the start button. No sound, no soft whoosh of water starting the magical cleaning process. Nada. I called the insurance and the repair company. It was Friday. They could get a technician out on Tuesday. Ce la vie.

Tuesday Bob the Repairman showed up. He did his stuff and came to me with an electronic panel.  “We need to replace this. I will put in an order and it should be here in a week. Next Tuesday.” My heart sank a little. I already had ten days of laundry, but sometimes in life we really have no control-doctors, repairmen and God’s wrath are not in our fix-it pocket.

Tuesday arrived again. No call, so I called. “The model of washer you have is no longer manufactured, so we cannot get a replacement panel. You can buy a new washer and the insurance will cover a portion of it. We will let you know how much on Friday.”

Friday arrive and no call. I called and they said we will give you $600 towards a new washer. Yippee!

My son came to me.

“Mom, I am out of clean underwear!”

“We’ll be buying a new washer and it should be here soon.”

“It’s gross to not have fresh underwear!”

“ I know. You can wash a few pairs in the sink and dry them on the towel rack.”

“ Nah!”

“You can go to Target and buy a six-pack.”

“ Nah!”

“ I could ask Aunty Sue, our neighbor, but it is corona times and that seems like an imposition. “

“ I could send you to a laundromat, but these are corona times and that does not seem safe.”

“Mom, I am out of clean underwear!”

“You can borrow some from your Dad.”

“Eeuw! That’s gross!”

“Just go commando!”

“Mo-oo-m!”

Friday evening I happily traipsed to Lowe’s with my research done.

“Need a Samsung front loader washer- its regularly $799. On sale for $599. Yes, we will buy new hoses. No we don’t need the stand for $259 because we still have the stand from the old one.  I need the old one hauled away and the new one installed pronto coz I have tons of laundry to do.”

Don’t you love it when the pieces fall together and the picture is complete? A new washer, clean clothes. Voila. Move on with life.

 The salesman looked up at me. “Our earliest delivery date is December 3. Today is November 24. “

“No, no! I have two weeks of dirty laundry and I have to wait another week? Please check with other stores for an earlier delivery date.”  Next store had a delivery date of December 17.

“Keep the December 3 delivery date. I will figure this out. “

 I called Eddie the Magical, my handyman who can do carpentry, electrical, plumbing and dry wall in a magical fashion and who can also magically disappear for indeterminate periods of time.

“Eddie, my washer died. It’s been two weeks of no laundry and the store delivery is December 3. I need your truck and your muscle. You have to save me.  My son is complaining that he has no underwear. I told him to wash it or buy new underwear or borrow his Dads underwear or go commando!” 

Eddie is a taciturn man who likes a good laugh, so he told me he would be there on Tuesday to take back the old washer and install the new one.

Tuesday arrived and Eddie was there at 7.30 am. Eddie and my sleepy son loaded the old washer in his truck. He and I went to Lowe’s and unloaded the old washer at their recycle trailer. Inside Lowe’s I told them I would like to pick up my washer. They would get it as soon as Ernie got off the forklift. We waited. Eddie checked and they no longer serve coffee and no one was at the appliance desk.

A little old lady came to the service desk and said, “I want a deer.

The service person looked a little startled and said, “A deer?”

She responded, “Yes, a deer for outside.”

He said, “Our John Deere mowers are outside.”

“Not a mower, a deer- for Christmas.”

 He pointed her in the direction of Christmas ornaments and we had a small collective chuckle. When we left, we saw her carrying a wire light-up deer close to her chest.

 The washer came, was loaded and unloaded and set up. Eddie left and I put in a load of laundry. After a while, during the spin cycle, I heard loud thunking and clumping. I ran to the laundry room. The new washer was doing a 1950’s shimmy, thunk, thunk, shimmy to the left, thunk, thunk, shimmy to the right, jump forward, thunk. I turned it off and called Eddie.

“I just install them, I don’t teach ‘em to dance.”

Eddie does not read instructions because Eddie knows everything about putting the mechanical pieces of life together. My husband found Step 3 in the instruction manual: remove four shipping bolts at the back of the machine and put small plastic covers on them or it will be off balance. He fixed it and it works like a charm. No more dancing washer, no more dirty laundry. A washer’s tale is told.