I am not superstitious

I am not superstitious. I am educated, have a college degree. I understand superstitions and actually respect them. Don’t need to walk under a ladder, don’t have to step on a crack. Childhood memories, childish pranks engrained some simple ones in the ethos. I am aware of energy in the universe, both positive and negative. And I know that life happens. Shit happens, and not just on Schitt’s Creek. I am not Chicken Little and I know the sky is not falling but…… I had two weeks of being Job (of Biblical fame), and feeling like I was nearing Dante’s inferno.

A chilly spring day. I was pulling my little blue wagon with a few boxes of books in it. I looked back at the wagon and my right foot went down an unseen step and got painfully sprained, but I could still walk. I drove home, iced and balmed it, took an Advil and moved on. That evening, I was straightening a shelf and a tall divider leaned forward and I stretched out my left arm to arrest its fall. Agonizing pain tore through my shoulder and arm. After I regained breath and perspective, I put Deep Blue on it and went to bed. Three a.m. I woke up with a painful toothache. It was still cloudy and blustery, but I could feel a deeper shadow. I called the dentist and got a same day appointment, where the dentist told me I had a cracked tooth and needed an endodontist, and then an oral surgeon to extract the tooth. I was told to take more advil.

The next morning, my son started his twelve year old Honda Accord and it started, but would not turn over or move. We called Triple A and it was towed to the repair shop. The repair shop said my son had been driving for about a month with no oil. My son had a fender bender in February, but he told us there was just cosmetic damage. Turns out the fender bender had disabled the sensors and caused a fuel pump leak.  The engine had seized, rods were displaced. A new engine would cost $8000, a used engine would cost $4000, the car’s value was $2000. We donated it.

 The next day was a beautiful day and I drove down to Kentucky to refurbish the bar with some alcohol. I had not had a speeding ticket or been in an accident for twenty years. I remember thinking should I turn left here or at the next light, and I guess I pulled out in a red light. Suddenly my Highlander was struck broad side by a speeding SUV. The side air bags engaged, I grasped the steering wheel and was pushed into a pillar on the right side. I walked out of a demolished car. People helped, police, fire trucks and tow truck arrived and I went home with my husband. I spent a lot of time on the phone with insurance and went to urgent care for chest pain. The seat belt had got me. The chest pain turned out to be costochondritis, or inflammation of the sternum, and just needed advil.

I went to an orthopedic surgeon for my shoulder pain. Many people had suggested that my shoulder pain was a rotater cuff tear and would require surgery. The orthopedic doctor was Middle Eastern and seemed very considerate and competent. He looked at the Xray of my shoulder and said I did not have a rotater cuff tear. He said he did not want to racially profile me. I wondered why, he was brown, I was brown… He told me that I had a frozen shoulder or adhesive capsulitis and it was very prevalent in Asian women over 50. I needed physiotherapy and advil. Later when I told  my sister who lives in India that I had a frozen shoulder, she said “oh yeah, everyone has that. Lots of my friends have it right now.” So I was not special. My husband rocked my frozen shoulder with his Dad joke. “I told her not to give me the cold shoulder so much and look what happened…..ta da! Frozen shoulder!” Ha ha.

I was still just processing the loss of two cars and a lot of physical discomfort, tooth, right foot, left shoulder, sternum. I was on the phone and computer sorting out a payment issue when I got a call on my landline and it was my bank. They said to close my computer and get off the phone as my bank accounts were being remotely accessed. My husband and I rushed to the bank and closed all our accounts. Then we opened new accounts and spent a lot of time dealing with this new issue.

 The next day, one of my sisters called to tell me she had COVID. A very dear friend emailed that she had breast cancer. My husband put his tea cup in the microwave and it started sparking and then the microwave oven self destructed.

Life is really all about the processing. I have low blood pressure and am generally a mellow person. But life was really giving me too much bad news in too little time. I did tell friends and family. My American friends brought me sage to burn in the house and exorcise the negative energy. My Russian friend brought me camphor to burn in the house and scare away the demons. My sisters told me to burn dry red chillies and hang lemons, turmeric strips and thai chillies on my front door. I had grown up with a grandmother who strongly believed in the evil eye and often did unusual things to fend it off, such as put a black dot on our faces to distract the evil energy. I grew up in a society where palmistry and astrology were given a lot of emphasis. I knew about the potential misfortune misalignment of the stars could have. I knew that Shani graha was the influence of Saturn, and it was associated with negative energy and events. Or in Western culture it may be mercury in retrograde. Knowing about the belief in these negative forces does not make one believe in them, but I know I felt shadow.

At this time I was feeling like I was walking on eggshells What further bad news was headed my way? What was coming with the next phone call, message or knock on the door? I tried to process my self, my feelings, the tasks I needed to do, and it just seemed to be a heavy load.

This was just two weeks in my life. And on the next Tuesday, a package arrived in the mail. Inside were 8 silk sarees, 2 wool shawls, 2 stoles and a note from Anne. My mother had died 9 years before at the age of 82. One of her best friends was Anne.  They travelled together and spent time together whenever my mom visited. I called Anne and she said, “Honey you got the package! Those were all the beautiful gifts your mom gave me over the years. I’m almost 90 now and I can’t use them. I wanted to send them to you all these years, but I don’t get to the post office. My daughter was visiting and I gave them to her to ship to you. I am so glad you got them.”

I felt the shadow lift. I exhaled. I felt as if my mom had sent a gift, a message to say, it will be alright. Blessings from above. And as my mind and heart calmed with my mother’s love, I felt intense gratitude. I had a painish body, but nothing was unfixable. Tooth extraction, physiotherapy and the ubiquitous advil were my allies. My son was not driving his car when it gave up the ghost. He could have been on the highway or in traffic, but the car sighed away in our driveway. I was in a horrific accident and I could have been killed. I walked away from a demolished car with some minor inflammation. My bank accounts were hacked, but I did not lose any money. My tooth was extracted. The physiotherapy is fixing my frozen shoulder. My sister recovered from Covid. My friend has a good prognosis for recovery. We replaced the microwave and got new cars. I can walk and sing and dance. The positive concern of family and friends is heart warming. I am blessed.